And You Thought Menopause is Awful in Western Civilization!

I attended a class on Cross Cultural Counseling on March 30, 2010 and will summarize what I learned about the Hehe or Bene tribe in Tanzania.
The class is divided into groups according to the tribes that they represent. I suspect that this group is the best represented because in the Iringa district of Tanzania, the majority of the population is Bena or Hehe.
The group discussed marriage issues first focusing on the necessity of a middleman. A middleman is selected based on his wisdom. He is utilized to introduce the 2 individuals’ families who wish to be married and the middleman is utilized as a boundary or to be a neutral party. This is especially necessary for the negotiation of the “bride price.”
When it becomes known that a young man would like to marry a young woman, her parents ask her if she knows this young man. If the possible marriage is conditionally approved, then negotiations begin for the “bride price”. Originally it could include animals, (cattle, goats, chickens), bed linens, and other items, which I was unable to catch from the presentation. Once a marriage is approved by the parents, uncles, aunts, grandparents are consulted before the couple is married. A marriage contract is then drawn up and the “bride price” is agreed upon.
Once the marriage occurs, the bride’s parents plan and pay for the send-off, which includes all the food and beverages for such an event.
On the wedding night, the couple sleeps on white bed sheets so there is documented evidence that the bride was a virgin. Then, if there is good evidence that the bride was indeed a virgin, the bride and the bride’s mother are given gifts as an award for “having taken care of herself.”
Pregnancy: No sex is to occur between the couple two months before birth and at least 1 month after delivery because the Hehe believe that the sperm will kill the unborn child. Some Hehe believe that there should be no sex until the baby is weaned (because of the risk to the child). Weaning usually occurs at the age of 2 years!
The umbilical cord needs to be buried by the fruit bearing tree, otherwise if the infant is a boy, he will be sexually dysfunctional. At the time that the cord is cut, it must not come into contact with the baby’s genitalia (boy or girl) or the child will be sexually dysfunctional (infertile or unable to perform) when he/she grows up.
Girls are not to tend a fire or cook during their first menstrual cycle. (I did not catch why or what would happen if she did.)
Boys are taught, as they grow up, to be good husbands and fathers. (This was not defined during the presentation.)
Menopause occurs around age 50. No sexual activity is to occur after menopause for a woman. If intercourse does occur, the woman’s stomach will enlarge with the accumulation of sperm. Once this woman dies, the sperm will come out of all of the orifices of her body. The instructor of the class explains that this was a scare tactic, so women wouldn’t have sex after menopause.
Death: Crying after the death of a family member is thought to be a good thing and a healthy thing to occur. In the Bena tribe, the surviving spouse is supposed to be provided with privacy with the dead spouse so he/she can engage in sexual activity with the corpse. This is supposed to be a symbolic way of saying “goodbye” to the spouse and if the surviving spouse neglects this act, the family will face many difficulties in life in the future. (The presenting group or instructor stated that this ritual probably is no longer practiced.
During the period of mourning, the surviving female spouse sleeps on the floor, not in bed. A black cloth is placed around the surviving spouse’s head after the head has been shaved (male or female).
The Bena believe that “what is mine, is yours, (even children).” (So it is not uncommon for one to see other people chastising other people’s children in church, if they are being too noisy.) The belongings of the deceased are distributed among the members of the community. In the Hehe tribe, properties are looked after by a selected “wise man,” until community distribution takes place.
If electrical lines are being built and hung, they are not allowed to pass over cemeteries. It does not matter if bypassing the cemetery means laying miles of extra line, it cannot be done.

Religion: Prior to Christianity, the Bena/Hehe people have always been conscious of God’s presence. They formerly gave sacrifices and worshipped trees, animals, caves, and mountains.

Politics: The selected chief provides protection to the tribe or group. The first-born son will assume his father’s position at the time of the chief’s death.

Greetings:
Women defer to all men and knee down when greeting all superiors. Men simply bend or nod their heads. When women have not seen each other for a long period of time, they take each other’s hand and kiss the back of the friend’s hand. ( I have been greeted this way twice by Pastor Wihale’s wife, Jesima.

Communication Styles:
There is no direct communication between mothers and sons (all communication goes through the husband) and there is no direct communication between fathers and daughters. Likewise, all communication goes through mothers, if fathers want to tell their daughters something or if daughter need to discuss something with their fathers. All communication between spouses occurs away from the children.
All ethnic groups in Tanzania have practiced polygamy. Traditionally polygamy was practiced to preserve a marriage and a husband only practiced it with permission from his wife. In fact, it was common during the breast feeding period that the wife would actually suggest a specific woman for her husband, thinking that a particular woman came from an acceptable family and that they would become good friends. Polygamy and the ritual of no sex after menopause was practiced to preserve the tribe or race as well.

Infertility: After death, an infertile woman’s body was banished from the community in order to take the curse of infertility away from the community.